Responsibity – Take Some!

I have been disturbed lately by this whole media firestorm known as the “Jon & Kate Plus 8 Scandal” or “Jon Hates Kate Debacle” or “Kate Makes Waste Mess” – whatever you call it, it’s freaking annoying. I think what bothers me the most, outside of their 8 children being thrust into the media without their consent, is the fact that these two bozos seems to have no concept of personal responsibility.

They have been making the talk show rounds as of late, seemingly intent on blaming the other person for their needing to appear on TV or be interviewed for a magazine. SHE’S only on the “Today Show” to ‘respond’ to him. HE’S on "Larry King" trying to defend his character.

Spare me. All this does is further my opinion that these are two people who may have started out their show to document the lives of their multiples, but have instead, been sucked into the vortex of celebrity for celebrity’s sake. And in the process, their marriage as ended.

Both of them have acknowledged that they believe that the marriage was probably going to end with or without their family being on a hit TLC show. I give them props for admitting this and I do believe that is probably true. However, the way that they are conducting themselves now is nothing short of horrifying. I am not sure why they haven’t gotten the hint that maybe instead of running around doing talk shows (WTF with Kate on “The View” Seriously? There was so much tension at that table you could have cut it with her spiky hair!), traveling on speaking engagements, running to New York to be interviewed for yet another cover story on “People” magazine maybe, just maybe, they should shut up lay low and focus on figuring how to co-parent and repair the damage already done to those kids.

But really, the reason why this story has resonated so deeply with me and stayed with me is that it’s not a new one. It’s a very familiar story just being played out in the glare of the national media. And there are thousands upon thousands of children who have been affected by divorce and the emotional, physical, and financial fallout from it.

Before I go on, I should throw in a disclaimer here. My parents are still happily married. They will be celebrating their 42nd wedding anniversary this month. I am not a child of divorce. However, I have been married and divorced (almost 11 years but with no children) and my husband has been married and divorced and has a 17-year-old child from his previous relationship. Believe me – I have lived through and seen first hand the devastation and destruction that divorce can cause and continue to cause even years after the fact.

In my opinion, children deserve a lot from their parents. They deserve unconditional love, safety, security and for their basic needs to be met. Children of divorce deserve all that and perhaps more.

They deserve to not be thrust into the middle of feuding parents. They deserve a chance at being a kid and not worrying about all kinds of adult issues that they cannot and should not have to process. They deserve to feel safe and secure in the fact that the demise of the marriage is not their fault and that they are loved. By BOTH parents.

Any child of divorce that does not get the emotional support that they deserve is getting the short end of the stick. Parents need to make sure that their children are “allowed” to love the other parent. Extended family also carry the burden of reassuring these children that both parents love them and will always love them – regardless of whether or not they remain married. And in a healthy divorce (and trust me – there can be healthy divorces and there are divorces that would scare Satan himself) the parents should be able to come to an understanding of how their children will be raised.

Anything less is unacceptable and quite honestly, child abuse.

Which brings me back to the Gosselin kids – what on Earth are their parents thinking airing all of their dirty laundry on TV? In this age of YouTube and the Interwebs (and yes, I know that’s the wrong word…I just love using it) their words will live on forever. And trust me – when their 9 year old daughters turn 14 in 5 years, I firmly believe that they will be Goggling dear old mom and dad to get some answers. And how horrible for them to have to hear all of the nonsense that has been going on. How awful for them to have to witness first hand the acrimonious and vengeful nature with which their parents are treating each other, and as a result, them.

It is my hope that these two train wrecks people figure out that it’s time for them to take responsibility for their actions. They need to man up and accept that their marriage has ended, yet their children still need to be raised by both parents. They need to shut their mouths, stop badmouthing each other in public and on record, and get focused on what’s really important – the children.

And that, my friend, is all I have to say about that.