Thoughtful Thursday

They say the first step is "admitting you have a problem".

I have a problem with forgiveness.

There. I said it. I am sure I am not alone in this struggle. I have spent a lot of mental energy over the past several years trying to wrap my mind about what it is to truly forgive someone who I believe has wronged me. Experts will always throw out there the concept that forgiveness is really more about you than it is about the person you are trying to forgive. That holding onto anger and resentment do nothing to the "offender", and yet have very real negative impacts on your own mental well-being. For a long time, my take on this was "Phoey!"

OK - not a very mature response, I know, but I just really have a hard time differentiating between forgiveness and condoning hurtful behavior. If you forgive someone, aren't you accepting the way that you were treated on some level? Well, perhaps. And here's where I had my "Oprah Lightbulb Moment". My "Ahha!", if you will.

Forgiveness isn't a one time act. It's an ongoing process that must be exercised time and time again, no matter how fruitless is can seem. It is all about "me" and not the other person. The frustrating part is that you can be treated badly repeatedly by someone else. And no amount of forgiveness on your part can make them change their behavior. The best that you can hope for is to change your behavior - and come to a place of true, honest forgiveness.

When I get there, I will let you know what it's like! In the meantime, I'll just continue on my little life's journey, trying to master forgiveness as a verb and not a noun. Wish me luck...

Wordless Wednesday

Back to nature...

We went camping this past weekend at Panther Creek campground just outside of Carson, Washington. A good time was had by all and the kids did really well with fun in the outdoors, even though they both had colds. I hadn't been camping since Lexi was 5 months old - too long ago if you ask me!

I have never really been a "nature lover" per se - in fact, I used to think that my dad tortured me by making me go camping and hiking when I was younger. (Actually, it wasn't the camping that was torturous...it was the hiking for miles, uphill both ways, with no snacks in sight that was the hard part!) But in my old age, I have come to appreciate the outdoors a little bit more. I still don't like bugs, sleeping on the ground in a deflated air mattress or having to go to the bathroom in the dead of night knowing that there's deadly wildlife just waiting to pounce out of every bush to eat me alive. But I do love me some 'smores......mmmmmmm...

I digress - bottom line is this: I remember after a particularly long and grueling hike with my dad in Yosemite asking him why he liked it there so much. He told me that it "put things in perspective" for him. That seeing all the grandeur of nature in that way reminded him of how insignificant we are as human beings. I may not have said anything at the time, but that stuck with me.

I realized this weekend that it has been far too long since I "changed perspectives". In the chaos and craziness of the past few years, I forgot to look at things in a different way. My life had gotten a little too small and a lot too predictable. It was nice to get a refreshing look at things and to be reminded again of how small we all are in the grand scheme of things.

Who knows...I may end up being a nature lover after all. Keep your hopes up, Dad!!

A new beginning....

Well, here goes - the inaugural post of my new blog! How exciting!

I started our family website last year in honor of our 5 year wedding anniversary. It has served us well, but I have seen the light and am converting to a "traditional" blog. Hopefully it will be an easy transition for my "technology challenged" self and our friends and family can keep tabs on our lives and get some entertainment out of the deal also!!

Enjoy!