Thoughtful Thursday

They say the first step is "admitting you have a problem".

I have a problem with forgiveness.

There. I said it. I am sure I am not alone in this struggle. I have spent a lot of mental energy over the past several years trying to wrap my mind about what it is to truly forgive someone who I believe has wronged me. Experts will always throw out there the concept that forgiveness is really more about you than it is about the person you are trying to forgive. That holding onto anger and resentment do nothing to the "offender", and yet have very real negative impacts on your own mental well-being. For a long time, my take on this was "Phoey!"

OK - not a very mature response, I know, but I just really have a hard time differentiating between forgiveness and condoning hurtful behavior. If you forgive someone, aren't you accepting the way that you were treated on some level? Well, perhaps. And here's where I had my "Oprah Lightbulb Moment". My "Ahha!", if you will.

Forgiveness isn't a one time act. It's an ongoing process that must be exercised time and time again, no matter how fruitless is can seem. It is all about "me" and not the other person. The frustrating part is that you can be treated badly repeatedly by someone else. And no amount of forgiveness on your part can make them change their behavior. The best that you can hope for is to change your behavior - and come to a place of true, honest forgiveness.

When I get there, I will let you know what it's like! In the meantime, I'll just continue on my little life's journey, trying to master forgiveness as a verb and not a noun. Wish me luck...